I want to fit in.

Why do we try so hard to live up to society's expectations? 

I'm sure everyone at some point in their lives have tried in one way or another to fit in, to be 'cool', to please someone and most of the times, to no avail.

I have to admit, for many years of my life I tried so hard to fit in. I wanted to be accepted and I wanted to feel like I truly belonged. I conformed to the standards of society & people around me that deemed me to be 'cool', I hid how I really felt and what my true thoughts or opinions were because I was so afraid of rejection.

For me, I feel like the main reason why I tried so hard to fit in was because there was nothing I hated more than to be left alone. If you knew me well enough, you'd know that I am someone who cannot bear to be alone (simply because I felt awkward and outcasted). 

I would never go to the movies alone, have meals alone, or basically go out in public alone.

The environment I grew up in was one that was not only academically competitive but also competitive in the field of sports and extracurricular activities (clubs, uniform bodies etc.).
Being in this situation, I had no choice but to take part in the following as well to make sure that I didn't fall short. I tried to be the all-rounder (that obviously did not turn out well).

It wasn't until one day, I received a birthday card that was incredibly sweet, encouraging and filled with love that I finally decided to stop trying to please everyone.

The one sentence that hit me was : 

"Why do you try to fit in when you were meant to stand out?"

I am truly grateful for this friend of mine who made the card for me around 2-3 years ago (you know who you are).
I guess I have become one of those who have been brainwashed by society that after a while, the flaws are all I see. I failed to see the tiniest bit of good in me because all I saw was the bad.

Just like what many people say, you can do a million good things but people will only notice that one bad thing that you've done.

That's when I decided to draw the line, to start making myself happy instead of having to please everyone; to live my life the way I want to and to finally express my true opinions.
At first, it was hard and in this process of discovering myself, I have lost many many people in my life. Even those I thought would always be a part of my life. 

But I knew it would be worth it, I knew that this was the right thing for me to do. 

Always fight for what you believe in and never suppress your identity because only then will you be able to truly discover who you really are.